in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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