Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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