careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
