Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
