dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
