I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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