i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
