Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
