He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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