We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
