The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
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