next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
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I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
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You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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