Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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