I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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