i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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