If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
you told grandpa to call you daddy
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
