Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
