We're facebook friends in real life
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
