Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
