I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
