are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
