Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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