My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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