Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
