so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Drunk walkin through police station. America
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
