i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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