At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
