shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Randomize
