Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
