question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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