ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Randomize
