OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
