My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
