just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
