My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize