i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
