She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
