Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
