Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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