All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
