Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
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Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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