I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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