i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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