i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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