have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
