Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
You are a genius and a whore.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
