Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
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