Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
