she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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