I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
COCAINE IS GR8
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
