I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
We need to get me chipped asap
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
