Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
