I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
