My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
