Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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