Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
