Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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