i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
