If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
We're too hungover to prance.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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