erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
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As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
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I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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