ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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