The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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