No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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