areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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