either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
