JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Randomize
