Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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