every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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