I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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