dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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