We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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