I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize